That’s What Friends Aren’t For by John Patrick Robbins

Blue Collar Noir, John Patrick Robbins, Poetry, Punk Noir Magazine


We were drinking as always.

Telling lies about women and killing the hours between here and death as best we could .

It was the typical barroom bullshit you’ve probably heard a hundred times over and I have probably written far to many times to recall .

And being I was drinking beer I was making frequent trips to the can on a steady basis .

It was at the urinal I read it.

“Rebecca gives the best blowjobs”.

And from the mixed scribblings I saw a few did agree.
It sparked my curiosity what did Rebecca do to achieve such bathroom infamy ?

Was it her technique ?
Had she practiced for years or just taken to it naturally.

Did she go into competitions I had no idea existed .

My mind was working in overdrive as this lovely lady of bathroom legend had grasped my imagination.

Was she the gunslinger of cocksuckers or just a legend that never was ?

I kept reading till I found my ex’s name .

Once ruined the fun .

It read .

“If you think she is great you should give Susan a go”.

I had to laugh for it was truly false advertising.

I took a pen from my pocket and blacked it out .

I felt Rebecca held the crown .

And truly believed she alone should hold the title of the finest cocksucker on the bathroom wall.

The man waiting to take a piss looked at me oddly .

“You write on walls often freak?”

I didn’t say anything just ignored the stranger and made my way to the door .

At the bar Larry looked at me puzzled .

“What the hell Frank you have a spiritual moment or something in there “?

“No just doing some reading you know me always looking for new talent anywhere I can find it”.

“Fuck you’re a weird son of a bitch you know that “?

My old friend Larry said as he laughed .

I ordered another round took another sip of a semi cold Heineken .

“So Larry, Rebecca still living in you’re old place “?

“Yeah the bitch still has my house thanks for reminding me , Why the hell you want to know anyways “?

“Oh just making conversation “.

Larry just shook his head .

I knew better than to ask for her number .

It’s okay I would get in on my next visit to the bathroom directory .

I thought it only fare she should know about these horrible rumors being spread about her.

A gentleman never tells and a opportunist never misses out.
You can figure which one I truly am for yourself .

Cheers .


Bio: John Patrick Robbins 

Is the author of Sex Drugs & Poetry from Whiskey City Press and Smoking At The Gas Pumps from Soma Publishing .

He is also the editor of The Rye Whiskey Review and Under The Bleachers .

His work has been published here at Punk Noir Magazine , The San Pedro River Review , The Mojave River Review , Fixator Press , Beatnik Cowboy , Ariel Chart , Piker Press , Red Fez , Horror Sleaze Trash , Romingos Porch .

His work is always unfiltered.